Today's thoughts, including how to eat pizza like less of an idiot!

You might as well cremate yourself in the brick oven after eating this death 'za

Before I get to this, it's important to note that many of my "theories" and deeper findings come from scouring Men's Health outstanding Eat This, Not That Web site. Before that, I thought that my food selections would have to be greatly reduced in order to eat better. Once I started to really dig around there, I realized that I just would have to really do my homework.

Thankfully, this kind of homework can help you look better naked. And it can be delicious to boot.

Before I get specific, here's What I Learned about Lessening Pizza Evils

1. The thinner the better

Kate Moss is a good role model for your pizza. For your daughter? ... Not so much.

Unlike a human being, the general rule of eating health(ier) pizza is to look for less depth. Deep dish pizzas provide heavier doses of carbs but also have more space for more calories. The bread-to-good-stuff ratio should be as close to 1:1 as you can get.

2. Meat will be the only thing you'll be loving anytime soon ...

Apparently pepperoni is one of the worst things you can put on a pizza. It's probably worth noting that anything approaching "mystery meat" isn't great for you.

Abel won't like this, but Canadian bacon tends to be a MUCH healthier alternative than it's American cousin and most other ham-ish substances. Or whatever the hell goes into salami, sausage and pepperoni.

3. Find clever ways to give yourself less slices

Today, I cooked only half a pizza and gave a way a third of that half.

This means that I was able to eat approximately the suggested serving size of the Krogen brand Italian Margherita Pizza that was the centerpiece of a pizza and spinach salad dinner that blew my mind tonight.

If I indeed only ate 1/3 of the thin crust pizza, that means I only consumed a perfectly reasonable 290 calories and 12 grams of fat. While it wasn't greasy with processed meats, it provided a delightful little mixture of cheese, tomatoes and fancy spices. If nothing else, it scratched that eternal pizza itch.

The spinach salad helped me to refrain from heating up the other half of the pizza, but simply not having that other half of the pizza to temp me with its sad "take me" stare really helped make my dinner a fairly reasonable meal.

Which brings me to a few products I've been using lately.

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Now, keep in mind I'm not a doctor and the stuff I'm using is far from perfect. Still, I've been able to find some half-decent substitutes that either have some nutritional value or greatly reduce the harm normally associated with given foods.

The Margherita Pizza is a good example, as its crust is thin, its calories are limited and the ingredient list seems pretty simple (a very important factor in judging foods). If you eat the whole thing, you're looking at a little under 900 calories and 36 g of fat ... but it could be even worse.

(Don't eat the whole thing though. You don't need it. I promise.)

Anyway, here are two other nice little options if you cannot live without their fattier or less beneficial brothers. (And they're all approved ... by my taste buds, at least)

• Ken's Steakhouse "Healthy Options" olive oil & vinegar dressing

Stats per serving: 50 calories, 4g of fat and 240 mg sodium

Comments: I imagine there are lighter options for Italian/vinaigrette type dressings (feel free to leave recommendations in the comments), however, this dressing tastes just as good as any full-fat Italian dressing with minimal harm.

Advice: I've always found it difficult to "eye-ball" the right amount of dressing to put on a salad, particularly with the most common wide open lids. I always Peter North my salads in a sad eruption of oils and salts. So I just made it simple enough that even an idiot like me can figure it out: I simply drop two tablespoons (the recommended serving) on the salad and it works fine.

If you're really picky you can try one tablespoon, but for me, I just want to enjoy the bejesus out of a spinach salad and that's happening every night. I'll take 4g of fat to make spinach a part of my daily life.

Drawback(s): Not much nutritional value, aside from the salad you're covering. That being said, it's made from virgin olive oil, so it might be comprised of "good" fat. Bonus ... unless I'm wrong. *shrug*

• Mission brand Carb Balance PLUS! Flour tortillas (small tortillas)

Stats per tortilla: 2g of fat, 80 calories, 12g carbs, 7g of fiber, 3g protein and 220 mg sodium

Comments: I haven't done much comparison shopping with tortillas, either, but this is a very impressive little wrap. You truly might be able to threaten a day's worth of fiber intake merely by throwing a heaping portion of black beans in this bad boy.

An inventive Chipotle alternative?

My friend Tyler was skeptical about going with a Burrito Bol, but what if you brought Chipotle back home and put a bol's worth of goodness in a couple of store-bought tortillas? After all, consuming 44 extra carbs late at night - not even counting rice and other fillings - is a recipe for disaster.

For the sake of comparison, I'd say that two Mission tortillas could be a reasonable (though still not as large) answer to one Chipotle monster burrito. If nothing else, it could be a decent compromise.

Humor me and take a look at how they compare:

2 Mission brand tortillas: 4g of fat, 160 calories, 24 carbs, 14(!) g of fiber, 6g of protein, 440 mg of sodium

vs.

1 13" Chipotle tortilla: 9g of fat, 290 calories, 44 carbs, 2g of fiber, 7g of protein, 670 mg of sodium

So, the two Mission tortillas cut the fat in half, cost 130 less calories and a considerable 20 less carbs while giving filling fiber and less salt. You lose 1 g of protein in the deal. Considering the crazy amounts of protein in Chipotle's meat, beans, guac, etc., you're almost better with less protein.

To me, that's an obvious substitution if you just can't live without a burrito. If you try this option, I think you'll find that Chipotle is delicious because of its fine meats, sauces and accessories. Not what holds it. And maybe you'll move on to a more logical, less tortilla-heavy existence.

Note: even if you did three tortillas, it would still cost you less calories, carbs and fat. And you'd poop like nobody's business.

Drawback(s): The ingredients list is a little longer than I'd like to see. Be careful to not eat TOO MANY of these, as 7g of fiber per tortilla can add up and be a bit much.

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So, feel free to share your thoughts. How do you avoid scarfing down pizza? Any other grocery store Italian-ish dressings you'd recommended? Tortillas? More?

I'd love to hear feedback so don't be shy folks.

Restaurant guides: Chipotle

Note: I might fine-tune this post a little bit later, but I figure it couldn't hurt to put it up as is for the purposes of feedback and corrections. Hope this helps!

At one point in my life, Chipotle was the site of horrible, high-calorie disasters. You throw a huge burrito around a collection of meat, sour cream, rice and cheese and you've destroyed any reasonable diet. When I think of the sad disintegration of one of my longest relationships, I think of how doughy we became due to Chipotle-sque calorie orgies.

So it stunned me when Eat This, Not That named Chipotle a do-gooder in many ways. You see, Chipotle is the quintessential example of the wide pendulum of many restaurants, as the venue can swing from awful to quite decent nutritionally.

With that, I'll break down eating at Chipotle. If you want to calculate your own meals, this site is fabulous. Chipotle Fan's calculator is a great way of weighing the pros and cons of items in your food.

Burrito bol you over (hey-oh!)

At first, losing these items is going to sting. But the thing is, if you take them out, you can eat DELICIOUS food without much more than sodium regret.

Get a burrito bol, not a huge burrito or the tacos

Yes, Chipotle markets their huge tin foil-draped burritos and they're very tasty, but they're pretty awful for you. If you want to lose weight, you do have to make some compromises but I've found that the burrito bol isn't that tough, at all. It's like eating a salad of awesome.

According to Chipotle fan, here's the key facts with the food joint's other food holders:

The trademark 13" Burrito

Calories: 290 (!), Fat: 9 grams (!), Sodium: 670 mg, 44 carbs, Protein: 7g

Comment: You can have a 400+ calorie meal if you take this option out and you won't hurt for protein. Stunning, right?

The soft tacos

Calories: 270, Fat: 8 grams, Sodium: 600 mg, 39 carbs, Protein: 6g

Hard tacos

Calories: 180, Fat: 6 grams, Sodium: 30 mg, 27 carbs, Protein: 2g

So if you HAVE to eat what holds your food, I guess hard tacos are a reasonable choice although I'd rather replace that with guacamole and take a little more fat (but good fat) and get much better health benefits.

No cheese or sour cream, sorry folks. You won't miss them as much as you think.

Don't eat the chips

You're better off getting chips elsewhere, because that bag hits the 570 calorie, 27g of fat mark. In other words, it's worse for you than a burrito bol I had with steak, rice, black beans, two salsas and lettuce. Take a wild guess which of those choices is more filling and more nutritious ...

One note if you choose a salad

You're better off dressing the lettuce with guacamole or salsa (or both) than getting the dressing.

The dressing provides a walloping 25g of fat and 260 calories while providing none of the vegetables of salsa or the many benefits of guacamole.

Building a good bol or salad

1. Black beans might be the best thing on the menu.

For only 120 calories and 1g of fat, black beans provide a nice flavor along with a stunning 11g of fiber (a nice chunk of your daily need) and an impressive 7g of protein. I think this has benefits for anyone, but these are especially good for vegetarians (unless they've been clandestinely rubbed with meat or something).

2. I like meat, therefore I will usually choose one.

It seems like the meats are all pretty similar in calories and fat, with the main variance being sodium. They all add quite a bit of fat and calories, but they're the anchor of a meal ... and if you're used to tacos or burritos wrapping your food, it might be best to take baby steps. Plus, the protein will fill you up well into the rest of your work day.

3. Salsas are a cheap source of flavor, but beware of sodium. They also have minor benefits I wasn't expecting.

Salsa is bad ass. It gives you a nice helping of vegetables and adds a ton of taste. Just be careful about sodium, especially if you like to add more than one like me.

My favorite salsa is the Green salsa (probably called Green chile, but lay off me I'm a gringo). It only costs you 15 calories and a semi-reasonable 230mg of sodium and even has a gram of fiber to boot. It also is my favorite tasting one.

The tomato (or basically pico de gallo) salsa is another favorite, although it's pretty salty at 470 mg.

I'm impressed by the corn salsa's 3g of fiber and it's not too bad at 80 calories and 2g of fat. The sodium is kinda high too, though, at 410 mg.

The hottest salsa is a bit too much for me, but it does have its benefits. Not surprisingly, it has the highest sodium count at 510 mg. Still, it does provide a surprising 4g of fiber and 2g of protein. When you consider that Subway's honey oat bread stands out for providing 5g of fiber, a mere salsa that brings almost as much is pretty damn stunning.

Still, I think I'll stick with one or more of the other three. That hot salsa is a bit ... painful.

4. The guacamole wild card

The avocado-based condiment comes with an extra charge (usually about $1.75 extra) and some at-first intimidating fat content (13g) but it's also a great substance to add to your food, especially if you need some filler without meat.

For one thing, 150 calories isn't too bad when you consider the flavor, impressive 6g of fiber, small influx of protein and of course the good fat that comes with it.

It really depends on how picky you're being with calories, but my advice would be to have guacamole at least once every three visits. It's delicious and will keep you from eating other things if the rest of the meal isn't filling enough for you big eaters.

5. The rice question

It's not brown rice, so it's not the best rice for you. And from what I've read, rice is more or less filler anyway. At 130 calories and 3g of fat with 23 carbs and 2g of protein, it seems negligible nutritionally.

So far, I've laced my burrito bols with their tasty rice (mmm cilantro), but I'm still on the fence about the company's signature filler.

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OK, that's my take on Chipotle so far. I might come up with a list of concoctions to give people a few different ideas, but you can use that Chipotle calculator to know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

Hopefully this helps you, because if you have a Chipotle nearby, you stand to benefit from a meal full of organic foods, reasonably decent meat and lots of good stuff. For fast food, there are few better.

Yet it's amazing to note that my old favorite (steak, rice, big burrito, fajita vegetables, sour cream, cheese, two salsas) was a mind numbing 885 calories, 38 g of fat and only 4g of fiber. When you count the Coke I'm slowly turning into unsweetened iced tea, I'd imagine my meals would clock in at a troubling 1000 calories.

500 calories sure looks pretty damn good, now.